She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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