Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
