Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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