I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
