So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
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you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
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Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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