He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
ok first of all what the fuck
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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