i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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