Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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