looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
