So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
