My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
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After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
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I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Floor bacon is actually really good
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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