highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Randomize
