haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
