we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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