when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
