Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
