hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
