just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
