I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We need to rekindle our bromance
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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