shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
