It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
