you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
