Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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