we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
