I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is Oprah even human
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
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