Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
