Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize