Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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