i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
