dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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