i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
