I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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