coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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