she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
