I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
