hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
