Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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