I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
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my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
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Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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