There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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