I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
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My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize