Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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