where am i from again
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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