I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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