Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
