Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
