He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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