if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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