Say something about gay babies.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
