zippers are such a cool invention
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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