I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
