Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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