I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
