***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I currently don't understand fingers.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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