sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
