The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
