I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
