His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
