I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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