I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
honey bunches of taint.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
