but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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