Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
