Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
