Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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