yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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