So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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