Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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